tbh the best way that i explain to other people what it feels like to live with an anxiety disorder is the one time when i had to get a fingerprint and background check done for a job and i, someone who has never received so much as a speeding ticket my whole life, spent thirty minutes panicking that i would fail because i might secretly be a criminal and have no idea
one thing i need to start living by is “become the thing that you want” if i want friends who throw themed parties maybe i should start throwing those parties. if i want someone who writes me love letters maybe i should start writing letters for the people i love. if i want to hang out at museums and pretty cafes maybe i should invite my friends to these places. and maybe even then i won’t find the kind of people i want to be around. but then i would have become the exact person i want to be around. and maybe that’s good enough.
I HATE YOU YOUTUBE NEW LAYOUT I HATE YOU SPOTIFY NEW LAYOUT I HATE YOU TUMBLR LIVE I HATE YOU YOUTUBE SHORTS I HATE YOU NOTES BUBBLE I HATE TIKTOKIFICATION OF EVERYTHING I HATE YOU ALGORITHMS AND TARGETED ADS I HATE WHAT THE INTERNET IS COMING TO
idk what traumatized or mentally ill person needs to hear this but dreams (especially the really disturbing ones you dont want to talk about to anybody) arent some deep peek into your psyche or a sign of your True Desires or whatever theyre quite literally your brain making fruit salad with whatever it can find on the shelf. just putting all that shit in a blender and hitting obliterate. its fine, youre fine, youre not a weirdo for it
Actually forget what I said. This dream is more important than anything
